Ahh the outdoors. My true love. I could live within the trees and sleep under the stars.
The happiest times of my life have been outside. Camping yes is a given, but when my family gets together all we do is chill outside, eat, play volleyball, hike, go fishing and play more volleyball. So wonderful. If I have one piece of advice having to do with the outdoors it would be to sleep outside. I mean really sleep outside. No tent. Just a sleeping bag. Its the most incredible feelings, so go do it. :-)
Fleetwood Mac, has a special place in my heart for so many reasons, seasons, memories, life, love, my passions.
Being that they have been around since 1967 they have been a part of my whole life.
Tonight I went to my favorite local pub with some friends and we talked to the musician that was playing earlier. I asked what music he liked cause we were all naming off bands we liked, and he mentioned Fleetwood Mac. Its so amazing the synchronicity behind him saying this because the night before I spent a lot of my night just listening to Fleetwood Mac. It could mean a plethora of different meanings, who knows, but all and all the coincidence was cool.
Interpol makes me happy. Speak to me always.
Some Interpol songs I heard today, with some lyrics.
Interpol- All fired Up
I dream of you draped in wires
And leaning on the brakes
As I leave you with restless liars and dealers on the take.
And I can read you like a gumshoe
watch this meeting hall sweat and shake.
I'll take you on.
I'll take you on.
I'll take you on.
I'll take you all on.
I'll take you on.
Oh, I'll take you on.
I'll take you on.
I'll take you on.
And strike you with desire of fault lines
No clutch, no storm.
I can bind you with no ties and leash, and watch you fall.
You see I've got this soul it's all fired up
This soul it's all fired up
This soul, I got this soul
It's all fired up
this soul, it's all fired up
Interpol- Memory Serves
It would be so nice to take you
I only ever try to make you smile
No matter what we're gonna keep you occupied
But only at your place
Only at your place
Interpol- Always Malaise(The Man I am)
All that I know
Is you'll be okay
Follow your soul
And it tells you to fly away
(Coming out of the ways)
I wanna fly all day
(Appearing out of the shade)
All that you've known
Be as it may
All that you've shown
Reach in and tried all day
(Coming out of the ways)
I wanna try all day
(Appearing out of the shade)
I live in what feels like a fucking Black Hole. Meah. Whatev. I guess is the attitude I have to have. I know for a fact that no one will read this, so maybe its a way or attempt to sort things out in my own way. Cause I know I have to look inside myself for what is right.
Back to this Black Hole.....
Just when I feel like I am going to get out of this house (black hole) that is not a home, plans fall through.
So I guess I go back to the drawing board or painting board, something like that. Painting seems to be my one constant lately.
So many ideas and directions I can take. Hmmmm decisions, some including Peace Corps? Something that has always been in my head. Do I take the leap? My destination always seems to go back to this. One thing for sure is I can't be here. The question I have to decide is; Do I run? (like usual) or do I stick it out in a place where I feel trapped in a black hole? Where nothing seems to be going my way. Who knows? I have no problem selling all my things (after all they are just material things that I don't give a flying fuck for) just to get out. That is probably the beauty in this, the unknown. At least I know I am adventurous and spontaneous enough to go where my heart says. My next post will probably have me writing from across the world. ha! Who knows.
As always the one constant thing is music. Music always. Interpol always moves me, amazing............
My senses could not be more happy!
I am painting for hours while listening to music which is one of my dear favorite loves in life.
Lucky for me I am painting by a window and it starts to snow. Pure bliss, a peaceful harmony.
As I am painting, the snow out my window starts to pick up, and the song on the radio is Arcade Fire- We used to wait. A great mixture for one's senses.
It's something about the winter that is so mysterious and causes great reflection in my thoughts. One of the things I have reflected on a lot this winter is love. What I do love I love wholeheartedly there is no other way for me. That is the person I am. I love what I love. I am strong willed, passionate always, and a deep thinker, which can be misunderstood to many, but admired by some.
I just want the simple life, ok maybe not simple. I just want to live my life as creatively and musically as I can. With a simplistic kind of minimalism at the core. I can't wait to have my home one day composed of music and creativity.
A home built of music and comfort, love and happiness, silliness and compassion, creativity and passion. I want to have a room dedicated to everything music, and a room for arts and to make art. One's life and one's family to share this with is one of the many things love is about.
Tonight I met up with a old friend that I have known for years. I haven't seen them for a long time and It was nice to say the least. We talked of the way things were, and memories that are near and dear. It got me thinking that where I am and what I am doing is good. But I also talked to them about how I feel stuck. Stuck in a town where I feel like I can't reach my goals, stuck in a job where I know I don't fulfill my potential, living in a house that no longer feels like my home . They talked of how they went to California to get away from this town, and they said that it did help them to clear their mind, and get away from the small town that is. We both talked of the town we grew up in with a sense of respect and a place that we could live someday, but it is also good to break away from it for a time being.
It was so nice to catch up and talk of where our lives have been and where they might be going. Its nice to see old friends and see where they go.
We met at my favorite pub in town, my favorite cause there is usually a local band playing live music. The band covered a song that is so peaceful and they gave it justice.
The song played was
Avett Brothers- I and Love and You
Recently my feelings were hurt worst then I ever thought they could be.
The relationships in my life I value very much. A lot of things I will brush off. I am a reasonable person and it doesn't take much to resolve things and work things out with me. But recently something happened that was out of my control completely and I was blamed for it. As a result a friend that I hold near and dear to my heart and care about more then anything has stopped talking to me.I am so sad, I don't think I have ever been this hurt, and I think the reason is because this person means the world to me. I am deeply saddened by the whole situation. I feel like there is no one on my side. I just want resolution and emends.
A few songs By Florence + The Machine
She inspires me in every sense of the word.
Florence + the Machine. Rabbit Heart
And in the spring I shed my skin
And it blows away with the changing wind
The waters turn from blue to red
As towards the sky I offer it
This is a gift it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight
Florence + the Machine. Between two Lungs
Between two lungs it was released
The breath that passed from you to me
That flew between us as we slept
That slipped from your mouth into mine
It crept between two lungs
It was released
The breath that passed from you to me
That flew between us as we slept
That slipped from your mouth into mine
It crept
Florence + the Machine. Heavy in your Arms
I was a heavy heart to carry
my beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down
When he had me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground
I'm so heavy, heavy in your arms.
Heavy, i'm so heavy in your arms.
Florence + the Machine. Cosmic Love
my favorite!!!
I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
florence + the Machine. You got the Love
Time after time I think "Oh Lord what's the use?"
Time after time I think it's just no good
Sooner or later in life, the things you love you lose
But you got the love I need to see me through
Florence + the Machine. Drumming song
There's a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you're around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound
There's a drumming noise inside my head
That throws me to the ground
I swear that you should hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound
Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell
Wow today is the best day ever.
The beginning of the rest of my life.
An unexplainable feeling rushes through my veins.
Could it be that I got to spend a lot of my day working on a art instillation piece I am making? Could I be that I got to work on my art while blasting music? Well the answer is yes and yes.
But I think the main reason is that I am reaching a place in my life of true self discovery. My mind feels clear and I can look within my self intuitively and spiritually for the answers to what is important. Every day I am learning. I feel no need to be part of a group that tells me how to be, or mass popular cultural mind washing. One thing I know for sure is the way I feel, the more I can be at peace with myself, and always self discovery the better person I can be to others.
I am at peace with myself.
So a song from the year of my birth started playing at random today so I feel it is fitting to post. Besides, The Smiths are one of my favorites.
A heads up or warning if you will to the grammar or spelling, for this is free flowing thought where I normally would put great consideration and overview into things I write. However like I said this is spur of the moment free flowing go with it writing that I feel needs to be left in its form, (unless I decide to publish it someday, giggle).
Its really cute (as in silly/ridiculous) when people think that they have me all figured out. For example I mean just cause I like something or behave a goofy way suddenly I am categorized in a group or type of person. I am writing this because I have never felt the need to justify, categorize, or define who I am. This is how I feel towards other people too.
When someone comes in to my life I like to know the dynamic person, and see and understand what inspires them, what puts them in awe with the world they are surrounded by knowing that it is not always concrete or clear, but something that inspires their being. My only hope is that people in my life grasp my many passions not in a way to define me, but in a way that offers an insight to why I am excited to seek, embrace, and connect a deeper meaning always. People that I can share this broad understanding with are people I cherish and leave a lasting impression on me.
That being said I feel like I am a very intuitive person in many aspects in my life. One of them being that I always feel a certain level of connection with people that enter my life at what seems to be a diverse or most random of moments. I most certainly embrace this. For the simple yet so complex idea that there is a reason intertwined in the fabric of ones life to why one might enter someones life. Its interesting because though I find that there is some kind of meaning for timing with people that enter ones life there is a certain strength and bond that is stronger in some people that cross ones paths with then in others. For instance there are people that I have met that I see and would say hello to but nothing else draws us back together. Then there are the people I meet and keep reappearing in the oddest yet synchronized and/or sequential way. Meaning that I have had several occasions and times in my life where I will do, say, or think something only to have it come up or hear it from someone very soon after the fact. That someone being a person that I instinctively have felt a strong bond with beyond being able to explain. Or another example of this would be that on occasion I have thought or seen something that reminds me of a certain person that I feel a strong unexplainable bond with and I will get a call from them or run in to them very soon after. I don't claim to have answers to why this is, but I know for me in my life I see this as a deeper meaning to why some are more strongly intertwined in my fabric of life and some are not. There are definitely a few people that I share that instinctively strong synchronized sequential bond with. These few in a variety of similar and different ways are close to my heart, they are a level of a sole mate to me and are angels in their own right, and in every sense of the word.
Now I could go on and on about this, for it is one of the many things I am most inspired and intrigued by in so many ways. I love to read and hear peoples views on this, I am in awe of a few authors ideas on this. I embrace My humanity, I live in many aspects spontaneously with great care, and with a strong core and belief in certain arenas of my life. I resist the ugly pressures of the changing world. Everyday I learn a little more about the many things i adore in my life and that in itself is a great feeling for ones spirit and the spirits it surrounds.
Moon river is one of my favorite songs, absolutely beautiful.
This song puts me at ease, causes me to day dream, love my life, adds to my passions in life.
Here I am sitting at my computer listening to music put on shuffle, and what do you know the song Moon River sang by Morrissey comes on. ahh perfect. I then went to listen to the song sang by different people and its still so perfect within different voices.
Listened to Audrey Hepburn sing Moon river from the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's one of my favorite movies, and again one of the many reasons I love this song.
Ah yeah for variety! first pick of the shuffle====> Muse- Starlight!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahhh so fantastic!!! This song is wonderful ♥ ♥ ♥
black holes and revelations our hopes and expectations hold you in my arms
I have loved with my whole heart and soul.
Unnecessary hurt has crept in
I feel like this day has lasted months, my only hope is that this sunken-in chest feeling wont last..
For now, a beautiful video from one of my favorite artists.
Recently I saw Interpol, and there are not enough words to describe on incredible it was! So amazing.
As I stand there in awe of the music I was watching and listening to I couldn't help but come to the realization that
1) I can't always handle all that life has put on my plate and it is ok.
I realize that I don't have to take on all things at once
I realize that right now I can't put energy in to things I know I want too, for the simple reason that I am in no place in my life to take on certain things, but I will be soon.
2) I understand a little more each day what really matters to my heart and how to take care of that.
3) music really always has a way to move me, inspire my being..
4) and last but not least, I have really taken the time to slow down, as I usually am running full speed. Slowing down has really allowed me to enjoy all that is.
